Well hello again, surgery.

Due to a combination of my own stubbornness, idiocy, independence, and plain old bad luck, I’m facing surgery again. This is the one complication of the adrenalectomy (or really any abdominal surgery) that they didn’t tell me about, since I don’t fit the profile for those who usually develop them (obese, sedentary, otherwise un-health-conscious) – I lifted something too heavy last week and next thing I knew, I had an incisional hernia. How did I know? Because I did a seated forward bend in yoga class, felt a searing pain in my belly, and looked down and saw a big bulge poking out. I did what any good yogi would do – took a deep breath, popped it back in, and finished my class. Aum, shanti, shanti. shanti.

I really had no idea that it was any big deal – I thought it was just my weird stomach being weird. But the pain didn’t go away and through the magic of Google, I diagnosed myself and realized it wasn’t something to mess around with. A visit with my primary care doctor this morning confirmed my diagnosis, and I’m scheduled to see a general surgeon on August 6 July 25.

I’m on complete and total restricted everything until the surgery – no lifting over 10 pounds, no yoga, no hiking, no bike riding. I can, however, walk, go to the beach, and play ukulele… as long as I lift no more than 10 pounds’ worth of ukulele at one time, of course. Put in those terms, it’s not entirely awful. Just a bit suckworthy, because I really like yoga, hiking, and bike riding.

According to my primary care doc, the hernia surgery will likely be laparoscopic, and will be a similar experience to my adrenalectomy except for the removing-an-organ-and-tumor bit. While it’s no picnic in the park, I know what I’m in for and outside of that horrible co2 gas they inflate one’s torso with, I know it’s nothing unbearable. Same routine, two weeks off work, the aforementioned restrictions in place for 4 weeks after surgery, yadda yadda. A bit of deja vu, perhaps.

Statistics claim that incisional hernias happen in 10 to 15% of all abdominal surgery patients. If you Google “10-15%”, interestingly you’ll find lots of depressing statistics for when bad things happen to good people, but few that reflect good things happening to good people. Or to bad people, for that matter. So I’m just going to file this one under sh*t happens.


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