The cruel irony behind all of this? I never much enjoyed the idea of taking drugs recreationally. No wonder the fact that I have to take something daily for the rest of my life is getting me down! Anyway.
It hasn’t been all bad. It’s the psychological stuff that sucks, but aside from that I am seeing some improvements. These are good things:
- I’ve only had one attack of palpitations in the past two weeks.
- No more Giant Potassium Pills.
- The blood pressure and tachycardia have started dropping a little bit. It’s still crazy out of control all over the place, but I keep an average and the average for both has dropped steadily over the last two weeks.
- My trapezius muscle spasm has gone away for the past three days. This is the longest it’s been gone in about 7 years.
- The only time I woke up with a headache was the day after I had a glass of wine. Er, make that two glasses of wine. Prior to the spiro, I could count on waking up with a headache just about every other day.
- I don’t seem to be getting episodes of low blood sugar anymore. Maybe there is something to the notion that this will have a positive impact on my insulin resistance.
But other things aren’t so great. Such as:
- That wine I mentioned? About an hour after I drank it I got hit with the most intense dizziness I’ve ever felt. Won’t be doing that again soon. I’ve had numerous bouts of dizziness without wine this past week, though, so perhaps the wine was only a coincidence. Still… proceeding with caution.
- Postural hypotension. When I get up too quickly from sitting, of when I come out of forward bends in yoga class, my pulse starts racing and I feel like I’m going to black out. It’s supposed to be temporary, according to the doctors, and is not unexpected that this is happening because they believe my baroreceptor reflex is not working properly because of the aldosterone excess. I sure hope it passes quickly, since I’m not much enjoying it. I do not want to be forever known as The Girl Who Passed Out in Yoga Class.
- And the big one – the psychological stuff. I’ve gone from the mindset of “a relatively simple surgery and the problem is solved” to “I’m stuck with this for the rest of my life,” and that’s not an easy transition to make. This may sound melodramatic, but the only time in recent memory I’ve felt this emotionally out of control was a couple years back after a friend’s suicide. I would be fine, and then out of nowhere it would hit me – I will never see this person again. This feels really similar – I’m fine one moment, and then I’m not, because – I will never have my old life back. Or maybe because The possibility that this will be cured has been taken away from me. I really, really need to figure out how to accept this and move on, but for now? I’m maybe only 50% there.